Soft Sculptures For the Hard Hearted

Knitmares and Craftholes

Knitmares and Craftholes: Valentine’s Eve Special!

Did you know once upon a time Susan Bates featured a deformed-looking cupid on their products?

Although an illustration of a winged, nude, and seemingly hydrocephalic child may have been a great marketing ploy in the 1960s, I figured this questionable vintage packaging could use some modern day pessimism — just in time for Valentine’s Eve.

Ahhhh… that’s much better.

Happy Valloween, y’all!


Knitmares and Craftholes: Falling Apart

The only way this is going to be my “New Look” is if I happen to “Fall” into a woodchipper. At least that way I won’t be caught dead in it — just strewn carelessly about in bits of bloodied flesh and a spray of wool-mohair blend.

Also note the corner photo:

“Vest to Traumatize” might be a more accurate caption for this pattern. If any child ever needed a mother’s concerned hand clasped to her clammy skull, it’s apparently this poor little tortured towhead.

“There, there, Amber; I know we’ve been modeling these 10 lb. vests for five hours and you’re feeling woozy, but the bad man with the camera and hot lights will go away soon.”


Knitmares and Craftholes: False Advertising

The 1960s was apparently a simpler age, when flaxen-haired lasses used completely invisible circular needles to idly pick wildflowers illuminated by the hazy mist of dawn.

Boye, oh Boye. At least her wildflowers prevent dropped stitches.