Soft Sculptures For the Hard Hearted

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Movie Still Monday: Suburban Commando

Wherein Sir Terry Bollea (AKA Hulk Hogan) encounters a melon-thumping granny, ripe for the picking. Suburban CommandoBet you can tell she’s a granny from those squares she wears, huh? Huh? This seems like a typical case of Hollywood  ageism mixed with some severe craft stereotyping… real crochet-cism in action! I mean, when will these pesky movie PA’s realize that crochet is ageless — and more importantly — that an afghan does NOT a shawl make?

As Above, “Sew” Below

Baphomet was a symbolic representation of a deity supposedly worshipped by the secretive order of the Knights Templar during the 11th century, and more recently adopted by the Church of Satan in their religious iconography. When I received a commission for a “cutesy-fied” crocheted Baphomet figure, I knew I’d seen other “Baby-Baph” type plushies by various artists before and wanted mine to be different than the others with some added Croshame flair and detail.

So based off of this 1856 illustration from Eliphas Levi…

baphomet…I came up with a drawing of this little guy.

Baphometsy drawing

It was then I set about conjuring my tiny being into this world. After donning a fetching black robe, playing around with a bit of yarn,  and ending with a loud  “Shemhamforash!”, there came forth from my hands the new horned God I dubbed

Baphometsy-Wetsy.”

Baphomet with Candles full

His arms, pointing both towards the sky and the ground, read “Solve” and “Coagula” (needle-felted into the crochet).

Baphomet arm Solve

This literally translates into “dissolve” and “create,” but is also interpreted to signify the path of all knowledge:

“As above, so below.”

Baphomet arm Coagula

From his head, between the horns of virility, emerges a flaming torch (crafted from tufted yarn strands) — the magical light of universal equilibrium, natch.

Baphometsy flame closeup

Baphomet’s wings represent the flight of the liberated soul. (Of course you already gathered that from the hand-sewn felt, yes?)

Baphometsy back closeup

Baphomet, ever the amazing androgyne, bears both crocheted female breasts and a needle-felted phallus, shown as a wingless caduceus representing eternal life.

Baphometsy boob closeup

His hoofed goat legs have wire inside so he can sit, cross-legged, or stand — as ritual dictates.

Baphomet rod detail

Baphomet is the light bearer clothed in the disguise of evil.

Baphomet face closeup

Evil and unbelievable cuteness!

New & cuddly Croshame Christmas characters

I’m proud to introduce two new members of my Croshame family, each accompanied by their own irritating Christmas poem!

Braindeer

Braindeer

One reindeer too many. Oh, what to do?

Bring him round back and grab the shotgun, too.

Braindeer brain detailHe’s too pretty to eat, so no venison this year.

Instead let’s stuff and mount him, our little Braindeer.

Braindeer closeup tongueA holiday decoration bringing smiles left and right,

But they’ll be no visions of sugarplums for this guy tonight.

Braindeer with mantle 2

Over the mantle with care, in silence he’ll hang

Keeping watch over Christmas and bringing in 2014 with a bang.

(AVAILABLE AT THE ETSY STORE HERE)

Santa Clawed

Santa Clawed fully fullThis year St. Nick got quite a nasty surprise

When a flock of wild fowl went after his eyes.

Santa Clawed closeup long faceBirds circled his head as fast as a rocket

and tore his orbs out, each one plucked from its socket.

Santa Clawed face close upwardBlood-curdling screams came from his belly,

and his eyeholes, they glistened like cranberry jelly.

Santa Clawed backSo watch in the skies and mark my words:

Goodwill towards man is NOT for the birds.

(AVAILABLE IN THE ETSY STORE HERE)

Week long holiday sale on select Croshame items!

All this week get 10-20% off select items at the Croshame Etsy store! Just look under the shop section “SEASONAL ANXIETY SALE” for marked down pieces. (Sale will end next Monday, December 9th.)

Addam full 480

 

Honed for the Horror-days

Looking for the perfect way to avoid that big-box shopper stampede while giving a unique gift and supporting handmade art? Well, just in time for this year’s Christmas consumerism feeding frenzy, the Croshame Etsy store is being stocked for the holidays!

Stock Shelf 2

Most of the Croshame “classics” are either presently in stock or can be custom ordered and made especially for you and yours this season! I’m currently working on a couple of new Christmas-themed pieces that I will unveil shortly, as well as preparing to set up a week-long holiday sale closer to December.

I’m also accepting commissions this year, but keep in mind that special order requests can take some time to complete, so please try to get your orders in early to ensure they arrive in time for your particular celebratory occasion. Thanks everyone!

Etsy Banner

(Click the sassy new banner above to visit the store!)

Movie Still Halloween-day

In case you weren’t frightened enough this Halloween, check out this absolutely terrifying granny square sweater/wardrobe travesty from an episode of Roseanne!Roseanne Jackie sweater

Even Laurie Metcalf herself looks totally petrified by this horrifying fashion disaster.Roseanne Jackie 2

If only everyone could just be as creative with their costumes.

Happy Samhain, everyone!

Movie Still Monday: Alfred Hitchcock Presents

Some stills from the 1957 Alfred Hitchcock Presents episode “The Glass Eye” starring Miss Daisy herself, Jessica Tandy.

Alfred Hitchcock Pres 2Not only does this fantastic episode involve romance, ventriloquism, and a glass freakin’ eye, it also stars a very young Billy Barty and virtually unknown William Shatner!Alfred Hitchcock

Barty + Shatner + Tandy x Ventriloquism + Crochet ÷ Hitchcock = Happiness

Watch the episode here: