Bonjour, mes amis! This is the luckiest day of the rest of your life, because you get to meet two entertaining guys who are always sure-fire crowd pleasers. Straight from 18th century France…
…it’s Gilly the Guillotine and his BFF, Henri the Executioner!
These two are simply inseparable.
Although he takes his job very seriously, Gilly can be a hysterical cut-up with his razor-sharp wit and ribald (sometimes offensive) humor.
Before getting his executioner’s degree, Henri worked as a foot-corn harvester and briefly as an au pair.
Beheadings and near-decapitations are only part of the fun Gilly and Henri have together. Their favorite BFF pastimes include jokes, farting, fart jokes, berry-picking and imagining what clouds look like.
One thing’s for sure: capital punishment has never been so lovable.
Awwww’f with their heads!
Although I’m an ardent cinema lover, I can be a pretty stubborn little mule when it comes to watching certain movies. I generally try to steer clear of most westerns, serial killer movies directed by Ulli Lommel, and just about anything with Vin Diesel in it. And for about 20 years, I avoided the Quentin Tarantino movie Pulp Fiction, telling people, “The only way I’ll watch that film is if someone pays me.”
Well, someone finally paid me.
I was recently commissioned to recreate Uma Thurman’s character Mia Wallace, specifically from the scene in which she’s revived from an accidental heroin overdose with a giant shot of adrenaline.
So, yes, I finally caved in and saw the damn thing. And no, it wasn’t so bad (particularly whilst reassuring myself it was only for research). After watching, pausing, and re-watching Uma Thurman being impaled with a syringe by a doughy, greasy-haired John Travolta, I came up with the following figure…
More photos of “A-Mia-gurumi” can be found at my Flickr page here.
Getting into a scary-looking costume, wearing massive amounts of theatrical makeup, smearing blood all over yourself and scaring the living shit out of people is a damn good time indeed. It’s also what I call a Tuesday. But because Halloween is (possibly) the one day of the year that I can step outside and be myself knowing I won’t be harassed or have trash thrown at me, I still have a soft spot in my heart for the old girl.
So what better way to commemorate the festival of Samhain than to give all my readers a free pattern in celebration of that most wonderful time of the year? Yes, yes, there’s always the oh-so-spooky neo-tradition of donning a skin-tight “sexy” maid or cat outfit and drunkenly vomiting in public… but we all know an Antigurumi crochet pattern is much more satisfactory, right? Uhh… right?
Putting the “fun” back in “funeral” and the “me” back in cemetery, I present to you…
©2012 Shove Mink / Photos: Chuck McNary
*Feel free to make these as decorations, costume embellishments, or as gifts to friends — but please, please, please!! For the love of all that’s hallowed, do not sell or distribute this pattern or sell finished products made from the pattern. (I swear it will haunt you to the grave — the real, final, stone one.)
- Size “F” (3.75mm) crochet hook
- Worsted weight yarn in light grey, brown, green, and off-white
- Felt in dark grey
- Fabric glue
- Sharp scissors
- Tapestry or yarn needle
- Tracing paper and pencil
ch – chain
dc – double crochet
hdc – half double crochet
rnd – round
rs – right side
sc – single crochet
st – stitch
ws – wrong side
yo – yarn over
Popcorn (Pop): Make 3 dc in the same st. Drop loop from hook, insert hook from front to back into first dc made, pull loop through and ch 1.
Reverse Popcorn (RevPop): Make 3 dc in same stitch, drop loop from hook, insert hook from back to front into first dc made, pull loop through and ch 1.
Loop stitch (Loop st): Insert hook into st and form a loop of yarn around your finger. Moving over the front and around the back of nearest facing side of the loop, grab the farthest facing side of loop with your hook and pull through st (2 loops on hook), yo and pull through both. (Confused much? The effervescent June Gilbank of Planet June has an excellent loop stitch video tutorial available here, which is much easier to understand than written directions.)
TOMBSTONE (make 2)
With light grey:
On one of the tombstones, leave about a foot-long tail before chaining.
Row 1. Sc into 2nd ch from hook and continue to end – 10
Rows 2-12. Ch 1, turn, sc 10 across
Rows 13-14. Ch 2 (counts as first hdc), turn. hdc 1, dc 2, tr 2, dc 2, hdc 2.
Bind off and weave in all ends EXCEPT the foot-long beginning tail. Holding both parts of tombstone together, use beginning tail to sew together along sides and top, leaving bottom open.
Trace tombstone shape (along the interior of seam) onto cardboard, cut out and place inside tombstone opening.
Cut out the letters “RIP” from dark grey felt and glue to front of tombstone.
DIRT AND LAWN
Row 1 (rs). Dc in 4th ch from hook, dc in next, pop, dc 3, pop, dc 3.
Row 2. Ch 3 (counts as first dc), turn, RevPop, dc 3, RevPop, dc 3, RevPop, dc in top of turning ch.
Row 3. Ch 3, turn, dc 2, pop, dc 3. pop, dc 3.
Rows 4-9. Repeat rows 2 and 3.
Do not bind off.
Attach green yarn with rs facing up and towards you.
Row 7. Ch 1, but do NOT turn. Sc 1 in each st around both sides and top, making 3 sc in each corner.
Row 8 (ws). Ch 1, turn, and loop st around, making 3 loop st in each corner.
Row 9. Ch 1 and turn. Holding loops down, sc around, making 3 sc in each corner.
Rows 10-11. Repeat rows 8 and 9.
Bind off, weaving in ends of green yarn and leaving tail of brown yarn.
Take brown tail and sew tombstone bottom (through both sides) against the open end of dirt.
Snip loops and trim to give the lawn a grassier look.
Sc 6 in magic ring (or ch 2, sc 6 in 2nd ch from hook).
Rnds 1-10. sc 6
Stuff and bind off, leaving tail.
Attach off-white yarn to round 1 of arm, then:
[Ch 5, turn, sc 4, sl st in next st] 3 times, then sl st in st below on rnd 2, sl st in next st, ch 4, turn, sc 3, sl st in next st.
Bind off and weave in ends.
Take arm tail and attach open end to the middle upper side of the dirt.
To build a teeny yarn cemetery, make multiple graves and sew them together along the sides with green yarn.
If you need additional angles for reference, more Graveyarn photos can be found at my Flickr page here.
Don’t forget to keep the holiday safe! Go out at night in pairs. Keep away from gang colors. Don’t buy masks from the Silver Shamrock Novelties Company. And make sure to take those razor blades out of the Snickers bars BEFORE giving them to trick-or-treaters.
And above all… have a HAPPY, JOYOUS HALLOWEEN!
I know I will.
(Also known as “Horses Shoot Horse, Don’t They?”)
A couple of months ago I received a commission from a guy asking to have his adorable Pomeranian, named Thundercleese, made into an amigurumi interpretation of a little metalhead.
He said their favorite metal band was Pentagram, so I got to work on some sketches, bought some novelty yarn, and ended up making this little guy.
The fur was made from Patons Divine, then brushed out with a metal comb.
Behind that adorable smile lurks the soul of a real hellraiser!
Yes, even fuzzballs can be tough.
Boys are made out of puppy dog tails, aren’t they?
The teeny tiny Pentagram patch was made from with an iron-on transfer on black felt, then sewn on the sleeveless, crusty denim jacket.
I loved making Thundercleese, and thankfully I had a great source of inspiration sitting right next to me during the whole process…
because after all, I’m a pentagram-loving Pomeranian owner myself.
I think I speak from experience when I say twisted minds sometimes have too much time on their hands… especially if those hands happen to be attached to the arms of a Slayer fan. (NSFW video evidence here!)
Well, you know what they say… if thine arm offends thee, slice it off.
Uhhh… don’t worry dude, I’m pretty sure it’ll grow back!
This once-menacing hand gesture of “HAIL SATAN” has been unfortunately morphed into the ultra lame, mom-like “YAY! THIS ROCKS!” over recent years.
Needle felted arm carving? Those crazy kids! What’ll they think up next?
DAMN! My favorite bracelet! I knew I forgot something at the show last night!
Available for sale in the Croshame Etsy store here!
Believe it or not, I never went to my high school prom. Shocking, I know. It wasn’t due to the fact that I didn’t have a date (I didn’t) or couldn’t afford the ticket (I couldn’t), but I was just very skeptical and apathetic toward the whole school dance situation in general. So instead, I stayed home, ordered a large pizza from Round Table, and watched the best movie ever made…
Even though I’m (long) out of school and no longer required to face the terror of teenage dance-angst, I still watch Carrie about twice a year. On my last viewing, as the school gymnasium burst into flames and various high school students were either burnt to a crisp, crushed or drowned, I knew it was that time again — time to crochet a horror movie tribute!
Carrie Bear comes with her own sash, rose bouquet, and bucket of spilled pig’s blood; she’s ready to come home with you and telekinetically set fire to your heart.
Available now at the Croshame Etsy store!