Croshame

Celebrating Love Day with Sir Loves-A-Lot

Being a huge fan of cartoons my entire existence, I have always wanted to bring one to life. This Valentines Day I was inspired by The Simpsons episode “Trash of the Titans,” wherein Homer receives a present from Marge for the newly-concocted corporate holiday “Love Day.”

His name is Sir Loves-A-Lot, “the bear who loves to love.”

Enamored with this little guy, I decided to make one myself. (more…)


Stitch Fetish 5 (NSFW)

I’m proud to announce I will have a piece in the upcoming Stitch Fetish 5 group show at Hive Gallery in Los Angeles, opening February 4th.

I was honored to be asked to participate again this year by the show’s curator, Ellen Schinderman. My piece is based off of a combination of two historical art themes: The Venus of Willendorf and the Virgo Lactans (or the nursing madonna).

The Venus of Willendorf, 28,000-25,000 BCE

Maria Lactans by Lucas Cranach, c.1500

The work I made from these two inspirations is called, naturally, Venus Lactans.She stands a little over 2′ tall, has felt features and wire and beaded “lactating” details. This lovely milking maiden will be available for sale at the gallery until February 25th.

I hope some of you will get the opportunity to see her and the other wonderful pieces featured in the show!


Happy Horrordays To You!

Just a quick post to advise folks to get their orders into the Croshame Etsy store for the holidays! (It should be taken into consideration that some custom pieces can take up to two weeks, sometimes three, depending on the order.)

I also have new pieces available for sale this year!

Feeling like you need some Krampus in your life… but just a little bit? Like, maybe a decapitated head’s-worth, just to cheer up the atmosphere?

Well, there’s the Krampus Door Hanger!

Krampus Door Knocker

He comes with wire strung into the back of his head, making him perfect for hanging on the door, on the wall, or if you prefer, directly over the baby’s crib.

Available here!

And who wouldn’t want celebrate the Birthday of the Unconquered Sun by presenting their loved ones with the gift of androgynous eternal life? Well now you can, with that totes adorbs lil’ rapscallion…

Baphometsy Wetsy!

Baphomet with Candles fullIddin’t he kewt? Gods bless us, every one!

Available here!

And let us not forget our olden holiday friends from times past. Like silver and gold, they are!

There’s good old Santa Clawed:

Santa Clawed, 2013

 Available here!

And that poor unfortunate Braindeer:

Braindeer

Available here!


Croshameless self promotion

Hey everyone! The Croshame Etsy store is now back up and running for all your misanthropic crochet and antigurumi needs.

Throughout the month of September and October use the coupon code “GGWHIZZ” at checkout for 10% off your purchase!

Etsy Banner

 


Croshame Summer Sale!

After going through one of the most grueling winters of my existence, I’m anxious to celebrate summer — even if it’s not technically starting until the 21st.

You know what that means…

Summer Sale

 That’s right, Mr. Sun! A sale!

During the month of June, anyone who uses the coupon code “SUMMERSALE” at checkout in the Croshame Etsy Store will receive 20% off ANYTHING in the whole dang shop (commission work excluded)! The sale ends on June 30th and the store will be temporarily closing for at least a few weeks shortly thereafter , so make sure to take advantage of these sweaty, hot deals during this month only!


Welcome to the Martyr-Dome (free pattern)

If you follow my work, you’ll probably know I enjoy watching movies. And for me, nothing provides the perfect escape from reality like a hefty movie marathon – unless, of course, it’s a hefty movie marathon steeped in even heftier religious plot lines! Last month, that’s just what I did: over the course of a few weeks, I undertook the arduous task of watching an array of distinguished religious epics such as The Passion of Joan of Arc, Jesus Christ Superstar, The Devils, King of Kings and The Last Temptation of Christ, among others.

I was on or around the fourth movie in five days, sitting in my recliner crocheting and watching a crucified Willem Dafoe blink back Karo syrup blood tears, when a thought occurred to me. For as uncomfortable as they look, and as fake as they might seem, there is one essential religious costume prop that is actually pretty attractive, fashionable, and — dare I say it — sexy:

The crown of thorns.

Dafoe

Willem Dafoe lookin’ bloody good in The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)

passion de jeanne

The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928) — beautiful, yes, but you don’t have to cry about it

Kanye

Leave it to Rolling Stone magazine to make a messiah out of a molehill

King of Kings’ spring bling ring: Stephane Rolland runway show

King of Kings’ couture bling ring: Stephane Rolland runway show.

The fabulous Peaches Christ, rockin' it as usual.

Fab cinephile tranny Peaches Christ gets thorny with it.

See? Sexy.

So instead of wondering, “Oh death, where are thy thorns?” I threw up my hands and said, “Breezy lies the head that wears a crown,” and set about making a new pattern, which I share with you all here today.

Ladles and Gentlebugs, I present the fully crocheted, D.I.Y. Crown of Thorns!

Thorn glow

Let’s face it: some days are better than others. For those times when the sins of the world hang heavy on your shoulders, simply whip up this torturously simple project and feel a sting of pride from your handmade crowning achievement.

D.I.Y. CROWN OF THORNS

Pattern: ©2014 Shove Mink / Photos: ©2014 Chuck McNary

Please, for the love of all that’s good and slightly holy, don’t distribute or sell this pattern, or sell finished products made from this pattern — because after all, I don’t come into YOUR temple and knock over YOUR money changing tables, do I?

Thorn 1

Thorn 2 MATERIALS

  • “F” and “B” crochet hooks
  • Worsted weight yarn in light brown
  • DK weight yarn in dark brown and dark red
  • 6 – 10 red plastic beads or small crystals
  • Wire
  • Yarn needle
  • Fabric glue

PATTERN

Branches (make 2)

With light brown worsted and “F” hook:

Sc 6 in magic ring (or ch 2, sc 6 in 2nd ch from hook).

Rounds 1 – 135. sc 6 (or repeat to reach required length needed to wrap around head comfortably.)

Bind off and leave tail.

Insert length of wire to fit fully into both branches. Weave the two branches together around each other as shown below. Pattern Thorns alone Form into a circle, fitting around scalp and flattening front to sit on forehead “comfortably.” Wrap ends tightly around each other and sew the beginning closed end to branches along the open end. Pattern Back crown Thorns (make 24-30)

With dark brown DK and “B” hook:

Sc 4 in magic ring (or ch 2, sc 4 in 2nd ch from hook).

Rounds 1 – 2. sc 4

Round 3. [Inc, sc 1] twice – 6

Bind off and leave tail.

Sew each thorn to branches as shown in the photos, or however randomly you’d like.

Blood streams (make 3-5)

With dark red DK and “B” hook:

Leaving a long tail at the beginning, ch 9, 12, or 16.

Row 1. Hdc in 2nd chain from hook, sc 1, sl st, sc in next 5 (8, 12).

Bind off and weave in end tail.

Using fabric glue, attach red crystals or beads to either side of “drop” (on the hdc). Pattern blood gem Use beginning tail to attach to inside of bottom thorn and branch, as shown below. Pattern attaching blood to thorn Once completed, fix that cushy coronet atop your glowing pate and go about your day, fielding all those sharp-tongued compliments from enthused passersby that are sure to be flung your way like arrows! This would also make a great last-minute bonnet replacement for an Easter egg hunt, the perfect addition to your Sunday best, or a stunning accoutrement for the upcoming junior or senior prom.

Make one just for yourself, or a whole bunch for the family — the more, the martyr-ier! Thorn whoopsy

And remember, even when life hands you lemons…


Croshame Mega-Sale!

That’s right, you heard it here first, folks (or, if you were directed here from another source, you may have heard it here second). For a limited time throughout the month, four of my Croshame Etsy pieces are on mega-sale!

(*puts on best used car salesman voice*)

The Exorcist Playset has been blasphemously lowered from $250 to $150!

That’s a nauseatingly huge savings of $100!! Get that yarn vomit while it’s steamin’ hot!

Exorcist Playset, 2010

Crochetin’ In Blood has been GOUGED from $90 to $70!

Yeee-OWCH! That’s gotta hurt!

Crochetin' in Blood, 2012

The  Who Killed Nancy-gurumi set has been SLASHED from $95 to $75!

Whaaat?!!! These prices are killing me!

 And Hogtied has been SLICED from $90 to $70!

That’s one chunky slab of savings!Hogtied, 2010

Sale prices and supplies are limited, so if you ever felt like owning these pieces but were an Andrew Jackson or two short, now is your opportunity to scoop them up!