Soft Sculptures For the Hard Hearted

Antigurumi

Happy Horrordays To You!

Just a quick post to advise folks to get their orders into the Croshame Etsy store for the holidays! (It should be taken into consideration that some custom pieces can take up to two weeks, sometimes three, depending on the order.)

I also have new pieces available for sale this year!

Feeling like you need some Krampus in your life… but just a little bit? Like, maybe a decapitated head’s-worth, just to cheer up the atmosphere?

Well, there’s the Krampus Door Hanger!

Krampus Door Knocker

He comes with wire strung into the back of his head, making him perfect for hanging on the door, on the wall, or if you prefer, directly over the baby’s crib.

Available here!

And who wouldn’t want celebrate the Birthday of the Unconquered Sun by presenting their loved ones with the gift of androgynous eternal life? Well now you can, with that totes adorbs lil’ rapscallion…

Baphometsy Wetsy!

Baphomet with Candles fullIddin’t he kewt? Gods bless us, every one!

Available here!

And let us not forget our olden holiday friends from times past. Like silver and gold, they are!

There’s good old Santa Clawed:

Santa Clawed, 2013

 Available here!

And that poor unfortunate Braindeer:

Braindeer

Available here!


Jayne, Jayne, go away… come back to us in crochet (NSFW)

Ever since I first started crocheting, I’ve wanted to do a recreation of actress Jayne Mansfield’s death (because after all, horrific crime scenes are only a natural progression from granny squares). So when I recently received a commission request with that very scenario as a possibility, I jumped at the chance to complete my morbid goal.

If you aren’t aware of the gory details and would like to apprise yourself of the situation, watch this informative but graphic video:

The details of the death as most people know it were sensationally chronicled in director/writer Kenneth Anger’s Hollywood Babylon, accompanied by some rather gruesome — some would say staged —  photos.

Hollywood BHaving only these and other grainily suspect photos to go on (a seemingly frequent occurrence for Croshame pieces), I decided I would probably have to make the majority of the exquisite corpus delicti up, based on the available research and information.

Below is the tragedy that followed.

Jayne scene full 640

According to popular myth, Jayne was fully decapitated — but not true, sayeth the coroner’s report. Cranial avulsion does not a decapitation make!

Jayne brain piece 640

Jayne Brain with piece 640

Jayne was not only traveling with a driver, her lawyer-boyfriend, and her three children, but also with four (that’s right, four — two of them allegedly unpaid for) chihuahuas in the car, two of which perished in the accident. I made the one featured in this photo from Hollywood Babylon.

Dog above

Dog closeup

According to the existing photos, there were two very large (unopened?) bottles of alcohol in the car, as well various other detritus spilled around the scene of the crime. The devil, as they say, is in the details.

bottlesUsing my top-secret formula, I concocted some beautiful fake blood. Can one ever have too much? Naaaahhh.

Jayne hand 640
If you’re going to do something wrong, do it big, because the punishment is the same either way.”
–Jayne Mansfield, 1933-1967
Jayne with tarp 2 640

 


Waiter, There’s a Fly in My Blog

Question: What you get the entomology student who has everything?

Answer: A Croshame figure of the creature from the 1958 version of The Fly!

The Fly full with table 2

Knowing that this commissioned piece was going to a movie-loving bug enthusiast (a friend of a friend), I wanted to make it somewhat accurate in the insect’s details while simultaneously capturing the weird cheesiness of the film’s main character.

The Fly closeup

The creature’s head only shows up for about 3 minutes during the entire film (if that), so getting a clear picture of what he really looked like was tough. I kind of made it a cross between the original Fly and the one from its 1959 sequel, Return of the Fly. (Move along, Cronenberg; you’re not needed here.)

The Fly - face closeup

His head (which was VERY difficult to photograph accurately, by the way) was made of a crazy, fuzzy-bumpy novelty yarn I bought ages ago on a trip to Portland, OR.

The Fly - close closeup

The facial features were made from a pipe cleaner wrapped with eyelash yarn and needle-felted “mouth” details. (Check out those maxillary palps!)

The Fly - Fly hand

The creature in the film has one normal human hand and one deformed, hairy fly claw — which, again, I needle-felted with love.

The Fly with head covering

Naturally I had to include the blanket that the good doctor drapes over his face whenever dear ol’ wifey comes traipsing through his household laboratory. And the handy pocket on his lab coat is perfect for concealing that hideous fly-claw!

The fly wide closeup

After all that hard scientific work, I’d say the experiment was a rousing success!*

*Unless you count that whole grisly “assisted suicide via crushing with a mechanical press”  part of the movie. Then probably not so much.


As Above, “Sew” Below

Baphomet was a symbolic representation of a deity supposedly worshipped by the secretive order of the Knights Templar during the 11th century, and more recently adopted by the Church of Satan in their religious iconography. When I received a commission for a “cutesy-fied” crocheted Baphomet figure, I knew I’d seen other “Baby-Baph” type plushies by various artists before and wanted mine to be different than the others with some added Croshame flair and detail.

So based off of this 1856 illustration from Eliphas Levi…

baphomet…I came up with a drawing of this little guy.

Baphometsy drawing

It was then I set about conjuring my tiny being into this world. After donning a fetching black robe, playing around with a bit of yarn,  and ending with a loud  “Shemhamforash!”, there came forth from my hands the new horned God I dubbed

Baphometsy-Wetsy.”

Baphomet with Candles full

His arms, pointing both towards the sky and the ground, read “Solve” and “Coagula” (needle-felted into the crochet).

Baphomet arm Solve

This literally translates into “dissolve” and “create,” but is also interpreted to signify the path of all knowledge:

“As above, so below.”

Baphomet arm Coagula

From his head, between the horns of virility, emerges a flaming torch (crafted from tufted yarn strands) — the magical light of universal equilibrium, natch.

Baphometsy flame closeup

Baphomet’s wings represent the flight of the liberated soul. (Of course you already gathered that from the hand-sewn felt, yes?)

Baphometsy back closeup

Baphomet, ever the amazing androgyne, bears both crocheted female breasts and a needle-felted phallus, shown as a wingless caduceus representing eternal life.

Baphometsy boob closeup

His hoofed goat legs have wire inside so he can sit, cross-legged, or stand — as ritual dictates.

Baphomet rod detail

Baphomet is the light bearer clothed in the disguise of evil.

Baphomet face closeup

Evil and unbelievable cuteness!


New & cuddly Croshame Christmas characters

I’m proud to introduce two new members of my Croshame family, each accompanied by their own irritating Christmas poem!

Braindeer

Braindeer

One reindeer too many. Oh, what to do?

Bring him round back and grab the shotgun, too.

Braindeer brain detailHe’s too pretty to eat, so no venison this year.

Instead let’s stuff and mount him, our little Braindeer.

Braindeer closeup tongueA holiday decoration bringing smiles left and right,

But they’ll be no visions of sugarplums for this guy tonight.

Braindeer with mantle 2

Over the mantle with care, in silence he’ll hang

Keeping watch over Christmas and bringing in 2014 with a bang.

(AVAILABLE AT THE ETSY STORE HERE)

Santa Clawed

Santa Clawed fully fullThis year St. Nick got quite a nasty surprise

When a flock of wild fowl went after his eyes.

Santa Clawed closeup long faceBirds circled his head as fast as a rocket

and tore his orbs out, each one plucked from its socket.

Santa Clawed face close upwardBlood-curdling screams came from his belly,

and his eyeholes, they glistened like cranberry jelly.

Santa Clawed backSo watch in the skies and mark my words:

Goodwill towards man is NOT for the birds.

(AVAILABLE IN THE ETSY STORE HERE)


Honed for the Horror-days

Looking for the perfect way to avoid that big-box shopper stampede while giving a unique gift and supporting handmade art? Well, just in time for this year’s Christmas consumerism feeding frenzy, the Croshame Etsy store is being stocked for the holidays!

Stock Shelf 2

Most of the Croshame “classics” are either presently in stock or can be custom ordered and made especially for you and yours this season! I’m currently working on a couple of new Christmas-themed pieces that I will unveil shortly, as well as preparing to set up a week-long holiday sale closer to December.

I’m also accepting commissions this year, but keep in mind that special order requests can take some time to complete, so please try to get your orders in early to ensure they arrive in time for your particular celebratory occasion. Thanks everyone!

Etsy Banner

(Click the sassy new banner above to visit the store!)


Back from vacation!

The Etsy store has been reopened. Please feel free to purchase items to your heart’s content! (Click image below to get to shop listings)

BLOG ETSY LINK

I’m also considering customers’ commissions once again; for details please see the “Commissions and Sales” page here:  http://croshame.com/sales-and-commissions/ 

Thanks everyone!